never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
