I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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