sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
