In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
