he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
