I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
4 words: hood of his car
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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