All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
