I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
