ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
