i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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