My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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