I didn't shave. On purpose
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
