I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
