We're like a lot better than the average bears
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
