who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
