My friends, they love my intelligence
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
