I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
