i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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