Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
