I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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