is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
