Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
