I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
