You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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