Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
