Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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