I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
