Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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