I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
