absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
