Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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