is your mom at the bar?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
