She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize