I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
