everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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