I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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