And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
