I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
