I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
