Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
