i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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