My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
