I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
FUCK WHALES
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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