his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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