The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
