my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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