My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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