i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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