i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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