You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
