She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
