i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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