remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
