bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
