so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
