How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
