its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
