just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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