So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
