8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
