Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
