so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
