Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
