someone get that fucking seahorse.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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